Jealousy – do you feel it? Do you sense it in
others? Does it hinder your relationships
with other musicians? Does it sap your
confidence? Does it block your
creativity?
Here are some questions to help you get
clearer about the jealousy in your life.
1. What is my jealousy trying to teach me?
Generally
when I have a strong emotion
towards a specific person it’s either because
that person represents something about
me
that I can’t tolerate yet or because that
person embodies something that I wish I could
do or have. I remember
being in a high school
arts program and being incredibly envious of
a fellow singer. What I was so painfully
aware
of (though I couldn’t have articulated
it at that time) was that this person was
able to fully express herself and
her
talents, and I couldn’t. I was a better
singer at home in my bedroom than I was in
front of other people,
and THAT’S what I
couldn’t stand about the situation. By doing
what I couldn’t do, she shone a spotlight on
my
biggest challenge. It made it virtually
impossible to have a good relationship with
her.
2. How can I identify with this person as a
fellow
musician, instead of comparing our
work? What opportunities are there for
collaboration, mutual support and the
exchange
of ideas? Can I open myself to
receiving gifts from this person – feedback,
support and love? What can I, in turn,
give
to this person? Even the most famous, the
most successful musician is a human being
just like you. Find the
connection. What can
I give to a musician who’s newer than I am?
3. How can I develop confidence in my unique
message
and express this authentically? I
will never sound like this other musician, or
anyone else for that matter. Influences
may
be heard, comparisons will inevitably be
made, but my words will never come out
exactly like theirs, because
my “story”, my
life, my experiences, my collection of
qualities, strengths and challenges are
completely unique
to me. When I honour my
uniqueness my confidence grows, and it
becomes pointless to compare myself to others
–
there’s no comparison. This quote by Martha
Graham further explains what I mean.
There is a vitality, a life force, an energy,
a quickening, that is translated through you
into action, and because there is only one of
you in all of time,
this expression is
unique. And if you block it, it will never
exist through any other medium and it will be
lost.
The world will not have it. It is not
your business to determine how good it is nor
how valuable nor how it compares
with other
expressions. It is your business to keep it
yours clearly and directly, to keep the
channel open. –
Martha Graham, quoted by
Agnes DeMille, Martha: The Life and Work of
Martha Graham
4. How can I turn my attention away from this
other person and back to what I can do to
further my own success and creative
fulfillment? If I’m jealous of someone
winning a songwriting contest, I can ask
myself: how many songwriting contests have I
entered? If I’m jealous
of the size of their
fan base, I can ask myself: how am I
attracting new fans and how I am deepening my
relationship
with the ones I have now? If I’m
jealous of the number of songs they’ve
written, I can ask myself: what am I choosing
to do with my time instead of writing songs?
5. Now that I’ve learned from it, how can I
let
go of my jealousy? Often in life we hang
on to emotions long after they’ve served
their usefulness. They become comfortable,
familiar and safer than doing the work to get
to the other side of them. And yet they can
also weigh us down and
block our creativity.
Try the analogy FEEL. First, Feel your
feeling – don’t suppress it, actually let
yourself
feel it. Next, Express the feeling –
write about it, sing about, talk about it
with someone you trust, play it on
an
instrument or express it in art. Next,
Explore the feeling – what is it trying to
teach you, etc. as discussed
above. And
finally Let it Go. This can be as simple as
saying a short prayer or affirmation (“I have
let go of
my jealousy”, or “I have valuable
and unique gifts to offer”), or writing the
feeling on a piece of paper and tearing
it
up.
Jealousy has a lot to teach us. So when it
shows
up in your life, pay attention. If you
notice jealousy in others, put yourself in
their shoes and help them to identify
with
you. Reveal your humanity. Let them know that
they’ve got something to offer you.
Linda Dessau, the Self-Care Coach, helps
artists
enhance their creativity by
addressing their unique self-care issues. To
receive her free monthly newsletter, “Everyday
Artist”,
subscribe at:
http://www.genuinecoaching.com/artist-newsletter.html
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